Bah Hum Bug

People tell me that Christmas is not about the presents, but it's about spending time with family. Well, what if the family part doesn't exist? And if they do, what if it's still not there. I don't need a specific holiday to tell me that it's good to spend time with my family. I already know that. I do it every day (well, when I'm home in Dayton). I feel that the holidays are overrated. I know it's definitely not about the presents. But Christmas is a holiday that for years people have made about presents, so people feel that they have to buy presents. I don't understand the whole Christmas spirit and Christmas cheer thing. Call me scrooge, but I just don't feel it. I feel obligated to buy presents because if presents are present, then it's not Christmas. And I'm 20. I'm at a age where I don't really want anything. Most things I want, I just buy for myself. And then I make other people feel bad because they don't know what to buy me. Christmas for me is just another boring day. A day where I can't go out and do something because everything is closed. Except the movie theaters. But let's be honest, I'm not going to go watch movies all day when I can just do that at home. And who is at home? My family. Everything in my life seems to be this ongoing cycle of things I just don't understand.

(I've come to realize that everything in that paragraph is random, but I'm okay with that.)

And why do bad things happen to good people? You live your life thinking, "Okay, I don't have it that bad. I'm a good person with a good heart. I have goals and ambitions. I work really hard and most of the people I care about are proud of me. I don't give up. And if something gets in my way, I overcome that. Life is okay. And everything will be okay." But what if things aren't okay? What if things just suck and you can't do anything about it? If you're supposed to care about your life because good things will come, what happens when you think you already have it good and life decides to take a 180 on you? People say that life isn't fair and I agree it isn't. I know life isn't about being fair. But it should at least be tolerable. There are too many good people in this world who don't get what they deserve. They shouldn't have to go through the sucky things they encounter. Shit shouldn't happen for no reason. And things that aren't explainable shouldn't happen either. All I know is that good people should be rewarded with good things. And what do you do when you can't do anything for those people? It makes me feel hopeless. It makes me feel worthless. I wish I could do more for certain people. I wish I could make people happy. I wish I knew to say the right things at the right time. But I can't. No is perfect. And I'm definitely not perfect. But I guess I can try to be. There's nothing wrong with that. Being the best should be good enough for everyone. But people expect more. People need to take life as is comes because life isn't fair and life isn't perfect. I just know that I want to care for the people I love and want the best for them.

(I'm a good rambler. I know this. Thoughts shouldn't be organized anyways. So just take it as it is.)

.lsm.